Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Plunge

There is a "For Sale" sign in front of WeeHavyn today.  Somehow that small sign makes my decision seem so much more real.  It was put up while we were away and seeing it there sent a little shock up my spine, as if I had jumped into a cold pool on a hot day.  This is happening!

I wish I could say that I never second guess my choice to leave WeeHavyn for a much different lifestyle.  I am not that strong.  I have doubts and fears.  I wonder if I'm going to regret leaving a place I love.  Yet... I have loved every place I have lived.  All of them have given me another piece of the puzzle that is me.  I have no doubt that my unconventional
new home will do the same.

I may gypsy about in my little home forever, or I may find that I wish to set down roots somewhere.  I cannot know that if I do not try.

Let me never regret what I have not done.....

Friday, June 12, 2015

What do I Need?

I am stripping my life to the bare minimum.  What must I have to be happy?  What in my life do I use?  What do I love?  Where do I spend my time?  What do I do that I resent or only do out of obligation.  What gives me joy?  How do I wish to spend the limited time I have been given?  How much of my life is arranged because "that's how it's supposed to be" and not because that is how I really want it.

Perhaps it seems strange that someone who lives in a 488 square foot home feels she has too much.  But I do.  I find that WeeHavyn, once a shelter from the world, has become a burden.  She keeps me in one place, I worry about her when I leave.  The lawn needs mowed, the flower beds watered, the kiwi vines pruned.  I often go to St. Louis with my boyfriend, Tony, and I find I am pulled in two directions while I am there. While I love the rampant green and stately oaks of Missouri, I do miss my family in Wyoming.  But I am tied here and a month's visit is not feasible.  Yet a week there just isn't long enough.

So what do I really need to be content?  What do I miss when I leave home?  After thinking long and hard and probing my feelings, I find that I want my own comfortable bed, a familiar kitchen with all my favorite spices and utensils, and the privacy of my own bathroom.  That's it.  The lawn, the stuff, the home maintenance is something I simply do because I have to.

Leaving WeeHavyn is a big step and I don't want to take it lightly.  Yet I cannot be afraid.  I cannot ignore what I actually what for what others tell me I should.  I will not pour my precious life into something that isn't really important to me.  My life has been changed from the outside by brute force many times and I've always been thankful afterward.

Might I not be as thankful for a change I have chosen?